Yeah it the time of the mth where I am sad again and here is another post of sadness.. I really advice people who know my blog not to read it...

I am really curious y do bad guys always get the gal... Y does good guys do so many good things and in the end left with all the sadness and pain to bare... Y bad guys do not need to work hard nor do anything and a gal will just love him whole heartedly.. I got so many y run thru my head..

I feel like I like a tool... when people are say I will be there... when they are fine and I will be left in the store room and forgotten about till one day they need me they will come look for me.. Y I put in my heart to do things but no one really appriceate?? Those stupid guys with foul mouth and big ego do no need to do anything and get a ll the appriciation they need by just say a word.

Why why why????? Is beign good that bad.. I really living in sadness.. all my history is just keep on repeating itself.... Y... Y must I always get the pain and sadness in the end.. wat not some bastard guy who did nothing and only make gals cry and sad get all the happiness in the end.. I am really starting to get sick of beign Mr nice guy liao... Y be a nice guy when no one appreciate, y do so many nice things but in the end get sadness, y make yourself look like a tool when after they use they will just forget you and till they need it again will they look up for it...

I am really thinking if one day if I were to disappear will any who has hurt me , gave me sadness and I beign there for them will rememeber me... I think not a single one will.. I am just something that is to no importance to them... I really really do not know when is the last time I really can consisder myself to be happy... I don't think I have been happy every since..

Now I even do not know when to cry... Crying to me like do not exsist anymore... I now also do not know when I am sad and when I am not sad.. My feeling for things has totally die off... All i can feel is pain and sadness.. I am leaving in hell and if those who say you are leaving in hell tell me about it and i may let you try wat hell really is...

You must be thinking I am bull shitting all this.. But when you get to know wat I have been thru then you know wat hell is.... don't tell me you have been thru worst.. if you think you have tell me about it...

That all I have to post today... Dieing is not the scarest part.. but those who can't die and nor have a soul that can feel anything in life that is hell... This will never be the same.. those who know me, The happy Mac is dead from today 19/03/2006. The Mac now is full of sadness and pain... Hell is the place where Mac is buried and Pain will be the only feeling he will be getting

Mearly a puppet...
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If you wan to get mad read finish the whole post before you do as the title say this si for you. If you wan to ask your friends or edwin to read this feel free to I am not stopping it... I decided to post this after I finishing reading your blog.. yeah maybe after this you going to change your password or your blog again so that I can't read it and maybe del me off your msn or block me watever it is I have prepare for it before I do this.. And if you read and still wan me as a fren I wan a explaination to clear things up.. Honestly..

First do you think is i don't treat you as a friend or you do not treat me as one? The things I hate most people who betray my trust and treat me like a fool.. I think I did tell you that before.. I treat you as a friend that y I tell you how i feel.. and in your blog like I trying to end a friendship.. fine second I never ever say that anyone is perfect... third do you know how hurtful it is getting betray in trust...

You must be thinking where did I betray your trust right? I will tell you.. When you ask for a break up I ask you why... then wat reason you gave me... I gave you alot of chance to tell me the true reason but you never did till the day you accept Edwin and then you tell me.... I trust the reason you gave me and I accept the reason.. But in the end I know the reason is not wat I take it to be.. Second I ask you do I get a chance in patching back.. wat reason you gave me... fine I accept it till the day your Friend really wake me up on I been betray again..

I just wan a Honest answer is that a so hard thing to do? If Don;t like mean don't like , if Past Tense mean Past Tense... If this is the reason this is... What the point of tell me the actually reason after you accepted someone... It does not serve the purpose anymore! Wat can I do to slove it when you already accept someone.. when this should be told when we first break up or when we are together... Yeah things get very messed up cos you don't bother to give a explaination or to be honest with your feelings..

I am not intent to give you stress or stuff and like wanting to break up a relationship like someone who accidently did by saying something.. I am not that kind of person I am just tell you wat I feel this few days and y I am cold... Just treat it I am ranting my sadness out... I did alot of reflection and stuff.. I really don't mind if you treat me a a support or treat me as a guide to let you know who is right for you... But all I wan is honest answer... and not something your friend have to come and tell me to let me know the answer...

I have been hurt serveral times so I can take harsh words... no point in hiding your feeling in your heart and make me guess and guess... I not like never give you chance to explain or stuff I have given you more then enough chance to tell me the truth and you never did till chinese new year eve.. I almost cried but heck its a new year how can I cried so I keep all this sadness in my heart.. you have been hurt before you should know how the feelings is like but you gave this feeling to me... Sorry doesn't really help all I need is a explaination y you did not tell me the truth in the first place hurt is hurt so...

To Eileen Bf Aka Edwin :

You know wat you did and I hope you don't do this again by tell people can only go on 3 mths wat does this suppose to mean??? I know you woo eileen for a year this does not make you have the right to say things that will stress people realationship.. wat if I say the same thing now to you will you like it.. grow up boy... and really go reflect on yourself..

After all the ranting and stuff.. I don;t know if you still wan me as friends or you wan to treat me as foe is ok since I am bad in the points of your FRIENDS and I don't intent to change that.. cos if your friend esp That gal who say I am childish do reflect on yourself too.. you too hurt a guy who try his best to change for you.. Since now I know the ACTUAL reason it my turn to say its PAST TENSE.. To End this I hope You and Edwin forever loving.. Take care....

Mearly a puppet...
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Here I am again updating my blog when you see there is a update there is nothing good to be say in here.. so if you wan to read it read at your own risk ok... or not you can stop here and enjoy your CNY and after that then read about y I am sad...


First E and Ed is together liao happy for them but sad for me... ironic isn't it... I amd blessing the both of them to be happy and I am sad here.. But wat can I do.. If I do anything E will be stress and SOMEONE will just come and fire at me ... so I have to just keep my big mouth shut of my feelings and becareful wat I type... If that someone read this is unhappy with me ... this is wat I have to say HEY this is my BLOG I can rant about anything and if you don't like it don't read it...

Next I can't understand is why people can't tell things when they are together till they are apart tell liao wat use.... Nothing can be done liao... the only thing is that now I know something I should know long ago... Is it so hard just to say that you dislike this and I can make changes and stop watever the things that make you feel werid or uncomfortable.. I am that sort of guy when you say you don't like this I will get piss and scream the head off you.. I am piss when I know it when everything is OVER!!!!! And I can't do anything to make it better ....

Fine this CHINESE NEW YEAR is bad for me and everything is not good... cos I SUCK!!!!! ARGGGGHHH I think soon or later I will totally breakdown... and I hope I lost all my memory and go blank.... this kind of feeling is damn FUCKING SHITTY... If you say nothing then when you try it out you tell me....

I stop here those who unhappy with my blog then don't read.. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW I FEEL COS YOU NEVER EVER GONE THRU THIS SHIT!!!!!!

Mearly a puppet...
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I am not in good mood today... Should not be so pissed but then... nvm....Feel sad end up angry... Fine in the end it will be my fault eventually...

Y? Cos I am always the one who start the quarrel and end then stuff with bad things.... I think I am getting negative and stuff.... Now even sad talk talk talk in the end became going quarrel...

Shit must be my mouth.. next time any comments should be kept to myself and nothing else... I will only talk when i need to and not to talk rubbish next time when it may hurt others or maybe say things that people would not like to hear....


I had enough of when I sad and in the end I make things worst.. I am a trouble maker and nothing but a make people angry...

Mearly a puppet...
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So long never update liao but everytime I update there is nothing good one lah lol.... First is my sch has started and my sheldue for this year is Damn pack lor.... Almost no time for myself liao lol but this can keep me occupy so that I won't think of the sad stuff...

Second is Eileen is not with me anymore she is back to her single life and mine a sad life lor... But I hope that one day she will be back by my side lol... But I think she won't come back to my side that soon lah or maybe never will but I shall wait and see...

Third my java in tp is going well lol.. quite happy that is not that hard after all but in the end will be fill with ITE project and Java Pro Project lol.... Magic life have been stable lah nothing new or special happen maybe thought up a few effect or so but really no time to do magic recently.. must find ways to earn money also lol... so can buy more material to try out...

My bussiness in cards and magic stuff are still ok lah but very slow liao ... no much people buy magic stuff liao lol .. that is a good thing or bad I don't know .. but just hope those who will interested in magic will keep it alive....

Then lastly I may be working for fantama magic.... Hopefully everything goes well... basically I have occupy all my day from mon-sun so I won;t think of sad stuff and about my mess up life lah..So hope things will get better .....

Year going to end liao new year new start hope everything goes fine for me and I am still working towards my goal... And also working towards wat is in my wishlsit too lol... I shall stop here lah till next time then...

Mearly a puppet...
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Hmm.. School hoildays has begun and so I am some how enjoying my holidays now lol... But things on my side alittle not going to wat I please.. 1st broke cos still got lotz of stuff people haven't collect and pay me the cash for... Bussiness wise not so good.. Now I know doing bussiness is hard work... relationship with gf is good... Life goes on as normal and stuff...

My dear have lotz of things on her mind... I don't really know how to help her... Everything she likes to keep in her heart and not tell me.... When everytime she is sad I try to ask her y but I don't seems to get anything... Maybe I am just a bad bf lah.. tell me also no use I can't do anything that y she just keep it to herself and don't tell me..

Everyday when she is sad I will start guessing wat wrong today.. Y is she sad and how can I make her happy.. But the happiness I gave her is like a short term one.. when I am not with her she start to feel sad again....

I am really trying very hard to make her happy and try to be by her siade when she is down.. but all this doesn't seems to help at all... I am really feeling very down these days... No mood to do alot of stuff.. Next thing that bothers me is that she is always feeling gulity.... Gulity that she let Ed down... I don't know y... Yes she and Ed is friend you can't expect me to stop her from going out with him issit...

I don't know is my presence and appeareance in her life make her so stress... sometime this do go pass my mind if she had never know me will she be happier... if she have chosen Ed will she be happier... I will do not know... I am confuse at times.. althought I everyday putting up a happy front sometimes I do ask myself am I really happy or I am just acting .. I really don't know.....

I know after she read this she will feel even more gulity.. Dear you no need to feel gulity I choose my own path of life and its not your fault... I just feel that I have try all means to make you happy but I have fail badly... I really don't know wat to type liao and I think I will just stop here....

Mearly a puppet...
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So long never blog liao so I now try to blog if I can recall wat happen lol... All these days ah busy with exam cos it starts on 17 oct that mean next mon.. haiz So busy and so little time.. My magic is getting worst I guess no time for it and my brain just don't give me any new ideas anymore...

So far me and my gf still fine lah but.. problems and more problems coming up... I don't know lah I think maybe I am a bad bf ba... I really also don't know wat to type in my blog anymore no mood lol... Things are getting not really wat I wan it to be now adays.. I thing this is my Shitty Life I guess..

Gf is sad because when she always meet that Ed... the person will tell her something then she will be sad for the whole week and No matter how I try to ask her wat happen I can't get anything out or is I know alittle I don't know a little... then I have to keep guessing.. feel that I am really a failure in relationship lah...

I just don't know I think I got to reflect on my action liao lah... People have problems I also have problems y people problems can slove and mine is just never ending.. even doing my bussiness my customer also giving me problems bargain still ok but order liao they cancel their F**** order and just tell me sorry... WTH money spend like that can't get back... Shit them lah... Give good service so wat do anyone appreciate?? NOooooo....

Aiya rant enough le lah.. keep saying somemore I think also no point have to find ways to slove my own problems can't complain so much... cos is my life wat .. Hope those reading my blog will have a better life then me ....

For my dear...

Pls be happy when you are sad my hearts breaks... I really wan you to be happy only thats all no change is need... For watever decision you make I will support it if you think is the right thing to do... I love you...

Mearly a puppet...
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